I'm laughing at my writing skills from my fantasy lines last night that I posted on myspace. I can really crack myself up, this is an area where I'm obviously not gifted. But I did mean what I say in what would make me happy.
I see signs today of both the opposition and small support from where I was last night. I'll probably run into some more opposition today, but it is nice to see I have support even from a distance. So many times I feel in the spotlight where people are expecting me to prove myself. Some are especially pushy at it. I usually don't because of it.
Last night I felt I was completely myself even though it never ended in a good night, I lived up to myself and made myself happy. I felt I had the opportunity to say what was on my mind and show that I still had pride even if nobody gave a rats ass.
Too bad the support is from a distance where I don't know where it is from, (well its from NY, but someone invests the time that I don't really know) its nice to be heard and seen in a positive light though.
Its disappointing when you feel that some people just don't know when to let go, when to stop. I just don't see the point in anyone's trying to battle with me. What is it they are trying to win? I see that there is nothing they can win or accomplish, except to win their sadistic emotions in trying to destroy a part of my life.
I havn't changed a thing about myself or the way I think and feel towards others. It would mean more if I saw meaning or value in the opposition, but I don't see the point. Its like feeling like you lose to something ridiculous. Its a disappointment.
Regardless, I may have lost potential new friends, but I still say that I own myself and anyone else who thinks otherwise is fucked up in the head to try to be possessive of me or force me in a situation where I'd be needy or dependent. I vomit at that idea.
It felt good to be acknowledged as independent from a sign I saw earlier. I take pride in it.
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